inspirations

10 Tools for Dealing with Criticism and Rejection

By Linda Dessau

http://www.musesmuse.com/col-soulwriting.html

Ouch! Whether it's feedback we've asked for, an unsolicited remark called out from the audience or a simple "no" result of an audition or submission process, criticism and rejection are a huge part of our lives as creative artists.

Sometimes we're so fearful of being criticized or rejected that we keep our creativity bottled up and don't let it out. This article features 10 tools for dealing with criticism and rejection.

Other times we constantly adapt what we create, focusing only on the "market" and what they seem to be liking or disliking this week. Then we end up feeling like we're not truly expressing our creative impulses.

10 Tools for Dealing with Criticism and Rejection

1. Be Open. You may be hoping for a specific reaction or response to your work, or a specific result of an audition, gallery submission, performance or contest entry. If you've done your best and you're rejected or criticized, you might feel that you've "failed", and it's probably hard to see anything positive about the situation. Try to be open to the possibility that this "failure" is actually leading you to something else, usually better than what you thought you wanted. As I read once in Cheryl Richardson's newsletter, "Any rejection is God's protection".

2. Be Consistent. Keep going, doing the little things every day that keep you creative and that keep you connected to other artists and to your customers. The dramatic moments and big wins and losses will come and go. Have a steady routine you can keep coming back to, and this will help to place any criticism or rejection into perspective. Today is a new day, another day you get to be an artist.

3. Be Focused. Keep your end goal in mind, and always be mindful of why you're doing what you're doing. That will help you focus on the big picture and not get tripped up by each bump in the road along the way.

4. Be Resilient. Remember that your sense of self-worth comes from inside of you. When you're able to be confident in yourself regardless of the feedback you get from external sources, you're able to bounce back much more easily from any negative feedback that you may get.

5. Be Positive. Focus your attention on the positive and you'll attract more of it. This is the premise of the "law of attraction", and I've certainly seen it work in my own life. Hear the positive feedback you receive and replay it over in your mind whenever you need to.

6. Be Clear. Approach constructive feedback with an accurate perspective, not muddled with thoughts from your own inner critic. Take it as a helpful tool for your own growth and remember that ultimately the only opinion that matters is your own – because you need to be happy with what you're producing.

7. Be Grateful. Be gracious to your critics, accept all of the feedback you receive, sit quietly and let it sink in. Be grateful to be actively creating – to have gotten past the fear and other roadblocks. Be grateful for the opportunity to have your work seen and heard. Some never get the chance.

8. Be Responsive. Decide consciously what to do with feedback before responding, instead of reacting with the first thought or words that come to mind.

9. Be Selective. Once you've decided what to do the feedback you've received, be selective and willing to let go of the hurtful feedback. This usually doesn't have anything to do with you anyway; it's a reflection of that person's own happiness, state of mind and comfort with themselves.

10. Be Loving. Be loving of your critic and ESPECIALLY of yourself. Plan some self-care treats for the day of the audition or submission. Regardless of the outcome, you deserve it!

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.
Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

Dear Artist,

Tatjana Mirkov-Popovicki wrote: "I always knew that my life was an escape from the tribe, but I’ve never figured out that it strongly relates to my life as an artist. Now I would like to know--why? One logical answer might be that individualists are trying to create their own tribes with their own standards and rules, but I am not so sure about that. What do you think?"

Thanks Tatjana. Some of us think about the same things. Funny about writing--you have a lot of time to try to figure out if you’re special--why you do things differently--and what made you that way. I got the wind up a few years ago when I was doing a workshop. Even though some of the participants were roaring beginners, I was not about to give them a beginners’ course. Books, toil and time do that. I figured the great standards and rules were picked up independently during an individual’s chosen program of growth. Artists, I decided, should stir their own pots and dance around each other’s differences. I encouraged my students to fly at will. I merely assisted them. Some of them took off.

I’ve also made a lifelong study of what we creators have in common--both within the artistic brotherhood and sisterhood, and within the greater tribe. Apart from the fire of desire, it came as a bit of a shock when I saw the value in "the feeling of inadequacy." (I based my findings on first-hand experience) These feelings begin in childhood and often lead to the "outsider" personality. Outsiders get credit for a lot of the contributions to science, arts, etc. Properly channeled, common feelings of inadequacy lead to powers of accomplishment.

Another valuable characteristic is "the blessing of vision." This comes with curiosity, training and habit. It’s also a right-brain function, mostly hereditary. The right-brain sees potential, opportunity and connection. Blessing of vision brings the need to create and re-create. With creative mastery comes joy. Joy arrives in spades when we find that we

have real magic within. The world needs magical characters who stand apart from the tribe. Our world cannot get enough of witches and wizards. These folks are OK. You’re OK and I’m OK. And the tribe’s OK too.

Eric Maisel

We can be just as afraid of our strengths as we are of our weaknesses

Just as afraid to succeed as we are to fail. In her book, "A Return to Love," in a passage that was made famous by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 Inauguration Speech, Marianne Williamson writes:

" Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure about you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Connecting with your strengths is about learning how to acknowledge your own gifts, accept compliments graciously and to present yourself confidently as the extraordinarily unique artist that you are. We'll examine each of these three skills separately.

1. Acknowledge your own gifts

Ask other people what they love about you. Create a booklet of these "testimonials". Then, make a list of everything that’s wonderful about you and/or your creative work - the different roles you hold in life, your accomplishments, the failures you’ve learned from and survived, the losses you’ve endured, the gifts you were born with, the skills you’ve developed and the knowledge you’ve gained.

Read these lists every day and really take them in. It might seem like you're talking about someone else sometimes - focus and bring your attention back to the purpose of the exercise. Talk back to your inner critic and show him the evidence! For a more powerful experience, read these lists of your strengths out loud, beginning with the words, "I am ____".
This is a great time of year to connect with your strengths, and there's an exercise that I use and recommend for doing that. It also helps me to form my thoughts about my hopes for the upcoming year.
You can find "Celebrating the Gifts" on my website at: http://www.genuinecoaching.com/articles/celebrating-the-gifts.html

2. Accept compliments graciously

Notice. Begin by noticing what you tend to say when someone gives you a compliment. Do you minimize it by saying, "Oh, it was nothing,” do you argue with it by saying, "No, I don't look good, I look awful!" or do you find yourself so uncomfortable that you're at a complete loss for words?

Practice. You can learn to accept compliments more graciously. After noticing what you tend to do now, decide how you'd like to respond the next time you receive a compliment. Then, practice saying your new response (in front of a mirror is best) until saying it feels natural and sincere.

What to say? A warm and heartfelt, "thank you", coupled with a smile, is always appropriate and is usually enough. Be cautious of feeling the need to explain, justify, or return a compliment automatically.
Pause. When someone pays you a compliment, stop before you respond. This is where change happens - when we step out of autopilot and try something different. Take a deep breath and remember your wish to accept compliments more graciously.

Turn your attention outwards. Focus on the person who's giving you the compliment. Think about their intentions. Sometimes our inner critic tells us stories about the person being sarcastic, having some kind of ulterior motive or not truly meaning what they say. Instead, expect the best and act on the assumption that the person is sincere.

Focus on being kind and courteous to that person. If you make them feel good by accepting their compliment with genuine appreciation, they'll remember that and speak up the next time they have something positive to share with you.
Consequently, if you belittle their words by arguing, minimizing or looking as if they've just insulted you, they'll remember that as well.

Try it from the other side. Another way to get better at accepting compliments is to GIVE more compliments. Notice how other people receive them. This can improve your relationships greatly, because now you'll be focused more on the other person. As you're looking for positive things to compliment them on, you'll also be keeping your thoughts more positive overall, and you'll have less time for worrying and negative thinking.

3. Present yourself confidently as the extraordinarily unique artist that you are

Remember those lists that you made earlier to acknowledge your strengths? Well, did you know that you are the one and only person who has ever and will ever walk this earth that has that unique combination of skills, experiences, knowledge, creative gifts and perspective?

Say it with me: I am the one and only person who has ever and will ever walk this earth that has my unique combination of skills, experiences, knowledge, creative gifts and perspective.

Know that. Feel that. Believe that down to your core. It's virtually impossible to doubt yourself or to compare yourself unfavorably to other artists when you're truly acknowledging and believing in your uniqueness.
There's a well-used phrase that advises, "Fake it till you make it.” How would you act if you DID feel confident? Who's another artist that you think of as confident, and how do they present themselves? Use them as a role model and imagine how they would handle the situation that you're in - what would they do or say? How would they act?

Remember that another artist who seems so confident sometimes has exactly the same worries and doubts that you do. Approach each separate thing you do today with purpose and focus. Do your best, and finish each job one at a time. It's amazing how great it feels at the end of the day, to recognize that whatever you accomplished (and it's not the number of things that matters), you truly gave it your best and completed the actions successfully.

In her book, "Take Back Your Life!" productivity coach Sally McGhee points out that nothing makes us feel better about ourselves than doing what we said we'd do. And nothing makes us feel worse about ourselves than NOT doing what we said we'd do.

The most important component of connecting with your strengths is your willingness to BE strong. Be willing to succeed. Be willing to master something. Be willing to finish what you start. Be willing to become the best person you can be. And then celebrate it.
Linda Dessau, BFA, MTA, CPCC , the Self-Care Coach, has been speaking about, writing about, learning about and, most importantly, practicing positive self-care habits for the last several years.

As a singer, musician and songwriter, she began to realize that the part of her that most needed self-care was her creativity. Since then she's devoted herself to sharing her knowledge, experience and practices of self-care with creative artists of all types (and her heart really draws her to fellow musicians).

HER MISSION? To bring more music, art and beauty into the world, one creative artist at a time!

HER BELIEF? Self-care is the only path towards lasting creative fulfillment. Linda defines self-care as healthy lifestyle practices in the areas of physical health, mental, emotional and spiritual health, relationships and physical environment.

Linda's personal journey of self-care and creativity, as well as experiences and training as a music therapist (accredited by the Canadian Association for Music Therapy) and a life coach (certified by the Coaches Training Institute) make her a sought out speaker, writer and teacher. For more information about Linda

visit www.genuinecoaching.com

An aggressive artist will make the most of a minor talent, while a more brilliant passive artist can easily be lost to the world"
Lawrence Hatterer

You can be a character in your life's story

or you can be your life's author. There are plenty of people who will supply you with dialog and a plot line. There are plenty of stock endings that outside forces will place in your pathway. Sometimes we seem all too willing to accept the fate of the walk on, supporting role in our own lives. We think the outcome is inevitable, so we dutifully read our pre-scripted lines and wait for the obvious third act which we've seen played out in other people's similar lives over and over again. Haven't we all seen this story before? Haven't we lived it?

I've been there. All of us have. During stretches of our lives we've worked jobs we hated, associated with people we didn't really want to, spent time doing the things we think we are supposed to even though every ounce of our being screams that we're wasting our time and should be doing something else. It's like we're stuck in a script written by someone else and we're forced to read the next line, make the next entrance or exit and follow the predetermined plot to it's inevitable and predictable end. Often all we feel we can do is order a drink and popcorn while we watch it all play out.

But I have good news. We're all far more creative and capable than to live someone else's script for our lives. I've learned that few things are impossible if you map out your own plot line and move methodically, persistently and passionately towards it. Sure, there will be the villains that get in your way and great misfortunes that happen to you. But there will also be heroes that spring up to save your day (many have saved my butt over the years) and there will be that ever present happy ending that you can keep creeping towards, regardless of what plot twists the universe inserts in your storyline. YOU can still be it's author. You can tell and then act the story of your life through your own actions.

Your future is unwritten, but if you don't pick up a pen and get to work, it will write itself for you. For me, I like to use a yellow legal pad and a good felt tip pen.

-Brian Austin Whitney
Learn, Succeed and Thrive. We're All In This Together!

Just because a man lacks the use of his eyes doesn't mean he lacks vision. - Stevie Wonder

I have not failed. I've just found ten thousand ways that won't work.
Thomas Edison

Creativity is America's Greatest Renewable Energy Source

by Tom Tresser

We believe that creativity is an essential and irreplaceable element of the American character and mind. Our ability to invent new ideas, things, and ways of relating to one another has been the engine that created our country and that drives our economic and spiritual well-being.

The establishment of America was a creative act. The Declaration of Independence was a profoundly innovative document that helped spark the public's imagination and gave life to a revolutionary idea.

The public readings of the Declaration across the face of the 13 colonies in 1776 were kinds of civic performances that helped turn those colonies into the United States of America in the minds of the listeners.

We believe that creativity and the passion to pursue the dreams released by one's creativity lie at the heart of America's success as a nation and as a people.

Collectively, our creative efforts have generated the driving force in today's global economy - our creative industries are leading the world in new products, entertainment and scientific advancement. America's creative class - artists, cultural workers, writers, software developers, inventors, change agents, community organizers and others who live to create new visions, products and solutions add immeasurable value to the American fabric of life as well as to its economy.

Taken together, our creativity-based industries have been called the Creative Economy.

These industries produced some $960 billion in revenue in America in 1999.1 Included in this set of industries are what have been labeled the "core copyright industries" and in 2003 this set of industries are estimated to produce some $479.4 billion in revenues.2

Over 38 million Americans work in the industries that comprise the Creative Economy.3

The Creative Economy is where the action is for post-Industrial, post-Service and post-Modern societies. This is where the most value will be created and the highest-paying jobs will be. It's also where the fun is.

And it's projected to grow by a 4.8 percent compound annual growth rate through 2007.4

In a sense, creativity is an energy source, a source that lies inside every individual and that is renewable and endless - like sunlight. In fact, creativity is the one energy source that is non-polluting, available everywhere and exists in inexhaustible abundance.

We believe that by unleashing American ingenuity and the drive to create, we will find the path to continued prosperity and economic security.

We don't know where the next Steve Jobs, Jimi Hendrix, Jonas Salk, Jane Addams or Cesar Chavez will come from. Who will be the next pioneers and innovators whose work will immeasurably enrich the national life? If we want to increase the likelihood that they will be American-born or American-based, we need to think creatively about how to nourish, maximize, and accelerate creativity here.

We believe that every person has something precious and important to offer our community and our economy. Great ideas don't respect skin color, religious preference, sexual orientation or economic circumstance. If we, as a nation, restrict opportunity and access to resources to certain people because of some pre-conceived prejudice, then we risk losing the ideas and creations those people might generate.

If we demand that everyone look, act and think like us, then we foreclose on the possibility that some new and unanticipated insight will blossom into the "killer app" that technology writers talk about. Most great innovations happen when people question the usual and the standard ways of thinking.

We don't care where you came from, who your parents were, who you sleep with or what color you are or what you had for breakfast - we just want to know what's in your head and what's in your heart. If we like it, we try it - we buy into it - we take it and run with it.

That is what is so unique about America.

That is what makes us great - what is at our core and what we offer to the rest of the world. That's why 35 million people born in other countries are here right now5. Freedom to be and freedom to create.

We want our elected officials to take note of this distinction and honor it.

We want the next President to make the maximization of our individual and collective creativity a national priority. We urge the appointment of a National Director of Creativity whose job it will be to thoroughly examine the state of American creativity and recommend to the next President ways to preserve, celebrate and extend this vital national resource.

We don't have a prescription for maximizing creativity, but we do believe that two essential underpinnings of America's creative environment are a strong and vibrant system of public education and an open and tolerant society.

We look forward to an administration committed to creating new jobs, new services, and new businesses by tapping a very old and precious American resource - our fabulous pool of American creativity and the American passion to leave things better than we found them.

INSPIRATIONS